Anna was a patient in a country hospital who was in her last stages of a terminal illness that had stolen the last years of her life. She was initially diagnosed some five years earlier with a kidney tumour that had been removed. It had unfortunately, infected the major vessels in and around the tumour area, spreading cancerous cells to other parts of her body and thereby forming secondary cancers. Her breastbone, spine and hips were riddled with secondary cancerous deposits that had eaten away at what was once healthy bone. I was nursing Anna one afternoon, washing her hair and trying to make her as comfortable as I could. We spoke of many things, her family, her life in general and her short future that lay ahead. She suddenly sat still for a while, just staring at me. I asked her what she was thinking about. Anna looked at me, with pain in her eyes, her suffering obvious. She said that she had had enough of her suffering and wanted me to help her end it all. She asked me if it would be any different if she was an old dog, saying that the RSPCA would have put her down months before. I smiled thinking she was trying to put some humour into a somber moment, but my smile faded quickly when I saw the seriousness in her gaze. I asked her what she thought it was that I could do for her, thinking that maybe I could get a softer mattress, or more pillows or maybe even some essential oils to help relax her fractured body and maybe too, her fracture will to live. She took my hand and held it for quite a while without saying a word. She then took a long deep breath, looked pleadingly at me and said "just help me to go now, give me an injection. I am ready and dont want to have anymore pain. I know I can trust you to help me finish all this suffering. Please let me die."
Sometimes we cannot always carry out requests, no matter how much trust is placed on an individual to be able to do so. Morals, judgements and beliefs will always create an ethical dilemma between what is best and what is right.
Anna was my mother, and died two days after this trusting request she made to me, her nurse.
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